This weekend, I am weighing in on 10 Matching Points in Janm Kundli, 13 Other Personal and Visa related issues lingering?! And the Plight of NRI Parents in the U.S. in seeking Matrimony?! 

It used to be that our elders looked at "10 Matching Points" between the Horoscopes of a gal and a guy in traditionally  arranged marriages, 40-50-60 years ago, all with a good intent; they are (1) Din (day of birth) for Mangalam/Subham. (2) Ghana  for Wealth , (3) Mahendra for Trust between the couple  (4) Stree Dheerga for "conveniences of various kinds" (5) Yoni for child birth, progeny, (6) Raasi  for growth of dynasty, (7) Raasiya Adipathi for growth and riches from harvest  (8)  Vasiya for harmony, love attraction between each other  (9) Rajju  for longevity of spouse for Maangalyam (meaning long life for the husband), and (10) Vedhai (Naadi) .   

While I find most North Indians have virtually done away with "janm kundli" matching, such matching is very much in vogue with many of the South Indian families living in the U.S., even though they have migrated to North America 30-~40 years ago!

Over the years, horoscope matching was watered down, to the extent people were even fixing their childrens horoscopes, if they had  one of those birth stars like Moola, Ashlesha, Poorvashada, Jyeshta, because the South Indian Brahmin society did not receive those birth star brides well for purposes of bride/groom seeking!  Moreover, no two astrologers came up with the same opinion of an exact match,  on a given set of boys and girls horoscope!  As a result, some Parents have lost faith in  horoscope matching and are  totally discarding this practice; others are saying, we will  move forward if there is "birth star match"!  Other conservative, traditional and orthodox parents are going through a full blown horoscope matching! Boys parents in their eagerness to culminate marriages, were leaving it more and more to the girls parents to do the horoscope matching and are relying on their word!  Some girls parents, taking advantage of this situation, are saying "yes, the horoscopes match", even if there is no match, particularly if they liked the boy and the alliance!   Keep in mind that matching of "birth stars" does not offer an "idiot proof"compatibility equal to a full  blown horoscope  match!  It is only a starting point!   Things like Mars (Manglik) Dosha, Dasa Sandhi, meaning congregation or meeting  of the Dasas of boys and girls, are not totally (fully) revealed in a "birth star match"!  Yet most in South Indian Brahmin community are using  "horoscope match" as an excuse to simply discard an alliance, when it does not suit one party! or the other!

I find that South Indian Other Varna Parents are even more "afflicted" with horoscope matching than others!   ​And for this reason, most marriages are stalled!​

With lot of  marriageable boys and girls migrating to different countries in the world, with severe restrictions on the types of visas with which they entered each country for eking out a living, and then sliding into another, to meet the residency requirements of the host country,   limitations on their spouses joining them in a matrimony in some of these countries, from their home country (India) due to visa restrictions, such as a situation with H1B, J1, L1, ​G4​ visa holders in the U.S., it has become even more difficult to match a boy and girl with a full blown horoscope matching!  

Besides, other considerations have taken strong hold in  seeking and settling on an alliance.  Let us examine some of them:
 
I know most Indian Mothers serve a "gatekeepers" when an alliance is received for their son or daughter. Some brides mothers tell me that many boys Mothers dont even let their sons see the pictures of their daughters, passing ​their own​ judgment on them instead!  I would like to urge ​parents​ to kindly take the  following 13 larger issues into consideration before making  any decision on an alliance received, in "rejecting" it or "moving forward" with it  --- I know all parents want the best for their children, boys and girls, all of them -- it is their fundamental right and human instinct! Through our different Lists, we will continue to bring to your attention various alliances that are available for your wards, through our Initiative,  however, whether they essentially meet  your criteria or not, will depend on your proper ​​"evaluation"!  

While I respect your views and judgment, as parents,  usually in any alliance that you receive, there are 13  points that the boys side and/or the girls side parents have to consider, as "Gatekeepers" for their children, in evaluating whether to accept one or reject it!:  Grade each of the following issues on a 1-10 scale,  one being the lowest, ten being the highest and  best.  That is how we evaluated all of the alliances received for our daughter and son, when we were seeking alliances for them -- and made a decision to respond to the other side! with each one of them! Since parents mostly serve as gatekeepers with respect to any alliance received for their son or daughter,  and pass a judgment before it is passed on to their children for their consideration, I feel it is important for parents to prepare  themselves with a check list.   I would like your  honest and sincere evaluation of the following 13 criteria  in your search!  

1.  Physical looks -- very beautiful,  beautiful, handsome, fair complexion, wheatish, brown, looks slim, athletic or well built  attractive, etc: (you are the best judge, to score on this with your sons or daughters assistance)!   I know all mothers of sons are seeking an "Aishwarya Rai" for their sons, while most mothers of brides say that "their daughter is beautiful, very beautiful, fair complexioned, etc. etc.  If both above statements by both parents are true, all boys and girls should have been married long time ago!  This is a reality check!  Parents, you truly know how handsome is your own son/ daughter, relative to the boys/girls beauty, looks, etc.  on any given alliance received for evaluation.  So the grading has to be fair and unbiased!  If your son is 36. mediocre and wheatish, 5 4" tall, baldy and skinny, or weighs 160#,  he may still expect a most beautiful girl to marry him, but in these days and age, it simply is not going to happen ~ because the girls and their parents are also looking for a very handsome, tall, good complexioned. blue-eyed boys, like "Salman Khan" in their search!  So while the grading can be easy, it has to be very objective! Keep in mind,  pictures of the brides or grooms you receive can be some times very deceiving too! some parents tend to send pictures taken years ago when their son/daughter was 5~8 years younger, (or include a Graduation picture with a hat and gown) hoping to attract a bride/groom ~ (so on a 1 to 10, where are you, objectively? ) grade an alliance received accordingly!  DO NOT TOSS OUT THE ALLIANCE JUST ON THE BASIS OF LOOKS ALONE OF A BRIDE/GROOM IN THE PHOTOGRAPHS!  All said and done, "Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder"!  

2.  Girls height versus boys height - easy to do and grade -- 2" - 3" shorter than the boy, give it a 10, 1" shorter ~ 8, 4 ~ 5" shorter, give it a 5, same height, 7 points; if the is girl 1" taller than the boy, give it a scoring of 6! Do not rule out based on the height right away.  I want to tell you that when  we were seeking an alliance for our daughter 5 10" tall,  she always wanted a 6 0"  to 6 2" boy. In reality though, when we introduced  her to that handsome looking young man who she finally got married to (1​7​ years ago), he was only 5 9-1/2" - 1/2" or so shy of her own height, however, our daughter quickly changed her posture and said that she can improvise  her partners height by making  him wear shoes with 2" high heals!  because she had all the other chemistry blend with him!  ​Sevent​een years into her marriage, it  (the height) does not even bother them! neither does he wear a 2" tall high heal shoes, all the time!   So dont discard an alliance because the boy is an 1" shorter than the girl!  It is a psychological mindset, try to overcome it in yourself and in your children! Remember, there has to be 10 other agreements between them that have to ​still ​fall in place!  So often,  when we are walking through a mall or attending a wedding reception, we see so many incongruent pairs, boy is 6 0", girl is 5 2", girl is 5 10", boy is 5 9" or slightly shorter, boy is weighing 145# girl is weighing 160# ~ does any one  really bother at these incongruent pairs ~ they perhaps are the most happy couple and have a lot of other "chemistry blend" between them ~ so more than the looks, height and weight, chemistry blend is important! read on! I think it is ONLY the Indians that make so much fuss on this issue, as I see hundreds of such "incongruent" Caucasian pairs all the time!​ she weighing 200#​​, he is 150#, she is 5 10" tall, he is 5 7", she is a blonde, he is baldy, ​​always a mismatched couple!​

3. Age difference between boy and girl!  Easily gradable once the criteria is set!  (2-3 years, give it 10 points), (1-2 years = 9 points), (1 year = 8 points). if the girl is older than the boy by a few months and even up to one year, consider it (grade it 7) if there is a physical compatibility between the  boy and the girl, in terms of height, weight and looks ~ the fact that she is 2 months and 12 days or 8 months and 27 days older than the boy,  is not going to show up in the couple! Particularly if the boy is  6 tall and well built (weighing 200#) and the girl is 5 6", 160# and "athletic"!  One thing more, Parents, I am getting requests from lots of boys mothers, whose sons are 39, 40, 41​, 42, 43 ​ years old who are still seeking brides under 30, 31 or 32.  Mothers, understand NO bride who is 3​1 or 32​ is going to step up to a boy who is 41~42, who has "gotten over the hill" or approaching it very soon!  Wake up to this reality and seek brides commensurate with the age of your son, perhaps 1~3 years younger than him!  If your son has remained unmarried at 39 or 41, that should tell you something!  Do some "soul searching" on to the real reasons why?!  ​I want to ask you, "if you had a daughter who is 31 years old, would you consider giving her away in marriage to a 41 year old man?!"  Would you even dare talk to your daughter about such a proposal?!   Parents, become realistic! 

4. Matrimony in same sub-sect ~ Iyer to Iyer = 10 points, (subtract 1 point if you are a Vadama, they are a BC or AS),  Iyengar to Iyengar - 10 points, (subtract 1 point if you are Vadakalai and they are ThenKalai or vice versa), Madhva to Madhva = 10 points, subtract 1 if you are Madhva and they are Smarthas;  all South Indian Brahmins, score it at 8. Similarly, 

if the boy is a Khatri Sikh and the girl is a Khatri Sikh, grade it 10
if the boy is Gujarati Jain and the girl is a Gujarati Jain, grade it 10
if the boy is a Marwari and so is the bride, grade it 10

if the boy is a Saivapillai and the Girl is a Saivapillai, grade it 10
if the boy is a Mudaliyar and the Girl is a Mudaliar, grade it 10

I find that most North Indian Hindus are open to marrying generally Other Hindus​, although Jat Sikhs are preferring Jat Sikhs, Jains are preferring Jains.​ Many South Indian Hindu Brahmins are very particular about marrying within South Indian Brahmin community, at least, although many parents of brides living in the U.S. are relaxing this rule, as their daughters are seeking U.S. born and raised boys, and  are aging and they are finding it hard to seek and get an alliance within the South Indian Brahmin community for their daughters!   

5. Girls/boys educational background, her/his qualifications  (whether, just a B.S., Masters, or a M.D. or PhD); Grade as follows:
BS = 5, Masters = 8,  PhD and Doctors (M.D.s) = 10 !

5. (a)  Whether she/he attended school  ~ Ivy League schools, other reputed universities and/or the rest, grade them as follows:   (Ivy league, Wharton, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, London School of Economics,  MIT and Harvard, etc. give it a 10),  or  NYU, CMU, UT, Rutgers, UCLA  U of Ill, Rice University, SMU,, U/T at Austin, etc. etc, give it a 9,  all other Universities, like University of Oklahoma, Kansas, North Dakota, Wyoming, Arizona, etc. score a 7.  Keep in mind, US Ivy league (boys and girls) are seeking Ivy Leaguers, just like the Indian IITans boys and girls want only the IITs, IIMs.  BITTs, (Within IIMs too, Ahmedabad seems to be "most favored" like MIT, Boston)!

Parents, if the boy or girl is an M.D., and ​their ​Parents are specifically seeking a Medical Doctor partner, I ask other parents whose sons or daughters are NOT medical pros, to NOT respond to those specific alliances.  I know a parent who has an undergrad daughter who is seeking a Medical doctor groom for her all the time and yet complains to me "that he never hears from those boys parents"!

5 (b) if the boy or the girl does not have U.S. college education, subtract ​4​ points from the above grading, ​6​!  

6 (c) if the boy or girl is just an Undergraduate (not a Masters), subtract ​4​ points from the above grading! or Use grading in​ 6​.

Keep in mind though, that in the U.S.,  boys tend to work for a period  of 2-3 years after their Undergraduate studies to  gain some actual work experience before enrolling into a Masters Program to do a Law, MBA or other courses. On the contrary, most of the Indian boys and girls entering the United States have come here to seek higher education (Masters), ONLY way to enter the U.S.,  after having completed their 4-year undergraduate studies (B.E.) from India ~ so most of them here on H1B and other visas, have a Masters degrees from the U.S., while they lack basic "undergraduate schooling" from the United States. Most of these students coming to seek higher education in the U.S. are not from IIT or IIS or IIM but from privately run engineering schools    Also, most of them lack practical work experience before beginning their Graduation​ in the U.S.​!  There are exceptions to this rule as well!

7.  Girls Professional Work -- how well this fits into the boys career, how uncompromising  her work is relative to her playing a family role, raising children when they decide to have one or two, without giving up her career ambitions.  For instance, if the boy is a doctor and the girl to is a doctor, both of them could be very content with their professional goals and financially, but doesnt the family (married life) "marriage as an institution" suffer?!  It sure does!  So is the case if the girl is a Software Engineer and the boy is a Software engineer, both of them working 70 hours a week!  So grade here as appropriate!  For this reason, many medical doctors that I know of are seeking and marrying other professionals,  so one could tend to care for the Family! Many of the boys parents seek a "family oriented bride"!  In this day and age, where most brides have Masters and PhDs and M.​​D.s, and are career oriented,  so try to understand the meaning of a "family oriented" bride in that broader context! The question the boys have to ask is how well she will rise up to have family, rear and raise their children, without compromising their "career-oriented" goals in life?! Whether she will quit her work temporarily for a year or two in the process! Understand that a Medical Doctor, Dentist, Physiotherapist and other professionals cannot quit their jobs, for quite some time. Those are some real time issues.  Only boys and girls can discuss this among them in their personal discussions.

8.  Is he meeting the H1B-​GC​ test, ​(meaning has the boy transitioned into a H1B-GC status or has his application has been filed for a Green Card), if he is NOT a U.S. citizen or a Green Card Holder already? -- ​that is ​being ​sought after by the ​bride​s side​, more and more​!  ​

The boy ​transitioning into a GC situation​, from H1B​! is ​becoming very important "Litmus Test" for most non-U.S​ ​citizens girls (who are on Work Permit Visas).  ​ The brides on H1B visas are NOT quickly stepping up to boys on a straight H1B Status in matrimony, because she knows he will have to leave the shores of the U.S. when his H1B term is up!​​ What will she do in a matrimony to a boy who is leaving the U.S. next year, when his H1B expires?!  "And where will I go" and "what will I do with him"  -- these are serious questions nagging at the brides​​ seeking matrimony. They would rather marry a Green Card Holder or a U.S. citizen and settle down in the U.S.  but, unfortunately, many U.S. citizens are not stepping up to H1B Brides. Green Card holders are preferring brides in her first term of 3-year H1B, so he will have long time at his disposal to marry her, file for her petition and get her "status adjusted"!  He obviously does not want to marry a girl who is exiting her H1B soon, because it does not allow him to get the "paper work" done soon and if she has to leave for India because of her visa term expiring, he will have to wait for 4-5 years, before she is able to join him under a F2A.  For these reasons, ​Green cardholders are preferring Permanent Residents or  ​U.S. citizens​!  Although some Green card holders on the verge of attaining their naturalized citizenship status and with their aging, are seemingly interested in H1Bs!   So evaluate every situation very minutely! For more specific details in this area, read my other Newsletter on visa related issues!  ​Many alliances are becoming "unglued" on visa related issues! immediately upon arrival, right here on this point!​

9.  Girls/Boys family background and  information -- how  good a  family background he/she comes from!  Consider Parents background, their education, culture, how well hey have raised their children? (grade accordingly) .  This is very important!  Is the  girl "just marrying him" or does she know  "she is marrying into  His Family?!  Grade accordingly! Even in the U.S. there is an American saying "you are not just marrying him, but are marrying into his Family"!   In-laws, mother and father, sister, brother, uncle and aunt, all of the "baggage" comes with the marriage! and both the boy and the girl have to learn to adjust, respect and live with one anothers family. 

10.  While North Indian Hindus in our Initiative have virtually abandoned the practice of "Janm Kundli" matching, it still is strongly favored by many South Indian Brahmin families, in seeking alliances, even with families who have migrated to the U.S. 30~40 years ago. While many North Indian Hindus do not know even their Gothra, except if ones name is Bharadwaj or Kashyap,  another hindering factor with South Indians is "if the boy is the same Gothra (Sagothra) as that of the girl" an alliance is not proceeded with!  In the case of South Indians, certain birth stars like Moolam (Moola) Ayilyum, (Ashlesha) Poorvashad and Kettai (Jeshta) are a taboo and brides such birth stars are quickly "churned"! without  any basis, because of some "blind faith"!  Other South Indians at least seek a basic Nakshthra Porutham (matching of birth stars) and whether the Gothram is not in conflict! (if not a full blown horoscope matching)! that is, if they are not interested in horoscope comparison; some times boys parents may not want a horoscope matching, however, the girls parents may want to -- so often times the alliances can get blown away on this one score alone! by one or other party, taking a strong position on horoscope matching!  Full blown horoscope compatibility, give 10, a very rare phenomenon these days!). Nakshra Porutham (birth star harmony), give 7;  Remember, a basic Nakshtra Porutham (birth star match) is NOT EQUAL to a full blown horoscope matching and may not reveal deficiencies like Angaraka Dosham (Chevvai (Mars) dosha), Dasa Sandhi (namely the boy and the girl running the same dasas, simultaneously and concurrently) and so on!

10 (a)  Not same Gotram, give 10 out of 10.  One and  same Gotram (Sagotram), give it a 7 out of 10.  

11.  RELOCATION, RELOCATION, RELOCATION of the girl to boys place of residence! is a big burden to many brides, although I find that many Parents in our Initiative say their daughters are ready, willing and able to relocate in matrimony. This is very crucial not only for H1B visa holders, who are transitioning from H1B to GC process, but has become an important factor even for U.S. citizens/green card holding boys and girls ~ because everybody is married to their career and it is a difficult adjustment for brides to make in a relocation, taking a big step to move! Some times Medical Doctor and dentist brides, physiotherapists, pharmacists, lawyers and others in  find it difficult to relocate because they have to seek and undergo a test for getting a license in that particular state where the boys are from or seek a bar/board exam from that state, which makes it difficult and challenging for the brides ~ which many bridegrooms and their parents simply dont understand. Another factor which many boys parents do not recognize is that if a medical doctor bride is into her own practice, relocation presents a challenge in that she has to "abandon" that practice and set up "new shop again""! There has been a tradition in Ramayana that "where Rama went, did Seetha go" ~ but then in those days Seetha did not have a job, she was not a medical doctor, pharmacist or a physiotherapist ~ nor was she practicing in New York and was asked to move to California in matrimony!   H1B visa holders transitioning into Green Cards, with an "approved petition" can now leave their jobs and relocate to another City or State where the bride is living (or vice versa). Even U.S. citizens and green card holders, in the U.S., do not want to relocate to another city or State in matrimony, as he or she may not find a right job in that location!  This one single issue alone seems to "dog" most alliances, immediately upon arrival and is the potent cause in H1B visa holder boys and girls in the U.S. from getting  married!  Immigration status  is a very important issue to decipher from early on!  

Why most boys who on on a straight H1B visa status remain unmarried?  If the boys are on straight H1B visa, and into their second 3-year term on H1B (NOT SPONSORED FOR A GREEN CARD, BY THEIR EMPLOYER), girls shy away from such alliances, because their question is "what will I do with the boy if has to leave the U.S. when his current H1B status ends?!"  "Where will he go?!"  "What will he do?!"  and most importantly,  "What will I do with the marriage?!" and "if I should have a child(ren) by virtue of this marriage?!",  is a big question nagging at these brides! Because their future is very uncertain!

Another issue that I have run into is that many boys are stating that they are from New York and ONLY prefer brides in New York area or we are from the Bay area and prefer brides ONLY from the Bay area ~  and refuse to even connect with and talk to brides from other parts of the country, even though they are willing to relocate.  These boys have remained unmarried at age 39 and are making such demands.  I ask these boys to embrace alliances from other parts of the country, if the brides are willing to relocate and connect with them, seek out and make every effort!  At 27 boys seeking can be very rigid but at 39, 41- 42, they have to be very, very flexible​​

12.  Is there a serious interest on the part of the girls/boys family towards an alliance (as received and proposed)?  "Expressions of Interest" in some of the wedding Portals is just pathetic! as it is to a "blind" email id! There is just no human element involved in those expressions of interest! Unless you talk to the girls parents with a serious interest, you may never find out!  The  girls parents also feel the same way --  "is the boy truly motivated to marry?" or is the boy just allowing the mother to seek ~ so he does not hurt her feelings. That is where the true motivation of the boy comes into question?!  that is the sincere question one has to ask?  13.  If you then  add, any special requirement you son/daughter may have, or your family may have! such as being a "Strict Vegetarian", our daughter will not cook non-vegetarian food for him,  or his "Not being a regular drinker"!  or "being a Social Drinker" ~ The list can be expanded!

To South Indian Parents, "on being a Social Drinker" I  just want to say some thing in this area, having lived in the U.S. for 3​8​ years. Keep in mind that a girl having a sip of champagne while toasting somebody at a wedding reception and/or having a glass of wine or two, at social get together, while accompanying husbands to a Christmas party his office is hosting, or at other social events is very common in the U.S. culture, even among orthodox Brahmin women (into their middle age or into their late fifties and  sixties); it has become a practice, culture, so to speak among expatriate Indians  who have migrated to this country and I see this trend with many girls from India in their marriageable age or into  their married life in early 30s!​ ​​including those fresh comers who are on H1B visas!​  These girls are very well educated, hold some  very high positions, have family values,  can be traditional and follow their traditions at home routinely, can recite Sahasranaamam,  raise their children well, are very supportive of their husbands in their profession and personal life,  respect their elders and care for their mothers-in-laws and fathers-in-law, etc. etc.  In my personal opinion, indulging in such light "social" on occasions should not be cause for rejection of an alliance! Please do not categorize me as a "liberal Brahmin" "promoting social drinking" by South Indian Brahmin girls, because that is how these folks live here in the U.S.   

With all being said and done, you are not always going to get 100/100 in your scoring in any match!  If you get 65~70/130 on an average to all of the above questions, in your scoring, then begins the serious question of introduction of the girl to the boy -- so they can determine if they have mutual compatibility and chemistry blend in other personal areas, so precious and vital to each one of them THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND CRUCIAL PART OF ALL ALLIANCE INTRODUCTIONS,  

AFTER THE ABOVE 13 BARRIERS HAVE BEEN CROSSED, and after initial telephone conversations and  several personal meetings, it becomes the onus and burden on the part of the boys to finally propose to her! if she has her ears to him for that long!   Fortunately, (or should I say, unfortunately) Parents have very little to contribute in this one  area personally, at least in the U.S.!   This process is taking as much as 9 months to a year with some North Indian Hindu boys depending on the whims and fancies of the girl and the boy! This has resulted in the girls going in to  a "rejection mode" if dumped by the boys,  after courting them for 9-10 months and having raised her "expectation" that he is going to propose to her and this has caused some emotional disturbance and mental problems with the girls!  So, dont allow this to happen to your daughters!   My recommendation is to taper it off in 2-3 months, after at best 3-4 personal meetings! Allow the boy and the girl though to spend extensive time (several hours in a day -- in fact all of Saturday/Sunday being together)  between themselves talking  about things -- by going to the Museum of Natural History in New York, going to a walk on Lake Shore Drive if you live in Chicago, or some such place, talking about your/her plans in life, about work, leisure time, progeny, when and how, and how many, and how to space it?, caring for parents (his and hers), commitment to marriage as an institution as such in ones lives, how each will handle challenging situations in life, such as if one were to lose his or her job, or ones employer were to transfer him or her to another city and State  sharing ones thoughts on "future abode" residence, in the U.S. or plans to return to India for good, (in the case of H1Bs) at some point in the future -- all of these discussions coming in to the open between the boy and the girl, can avoid marriage being "aborted" immediately thereafter. For heavens sake, bring out all of the issues,  in your/his/her family duties and responsibilities to parents, taking financial responsibility for your parents, educating an younger brother, marrying a younger sister, bring out all of these into the open and see if he/she are willing to accept each of you as such and support you as such in your "journey in life"!

I have also known many instances when boys parents, in their enthusiasm to get them married, dont sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with them. They register him Shaadi.com and other portals and seek alliances on his behalf. In some cases, the boys have their own agenda but dont disclose it to their mothers and allow them to seek alliances for him, so as to NOT offend them.  Mothers assume they know their sons and daughters likes and dislikes, wants and needs and begin to proceed!  Boys and Girls, if your Parents are seeking a matrimonial alliance for you and youre in love with another person, or meeting someone youre interested in,  have the courage to speak-up to your parents early on and avoid putting brides parents through a humiliating experience.

DO NOT DISCARD A BRIDES PICTURES AT FIRST SIGHT! AS YOU HAVE TO EVALUATE 12 OTHER POINTS BEFORE YOU DO SO! Kindly take above matters into consideration and advise whether or not you want to proceed further. Lot of compromises have to be made by both boys and girls sides to strike a balance!  

Good luck in your endeavors, "Seekirame VivahhaPraapthi Rastu"!  As always, I welcome your personal questions and I will take your bouquets or "brickbats" too for being honest and candid!  Parents, it is "reality check" time for you now!  The time to act is now, when your children are 29-30-31-32- 33 and NOT when they are reaching 38-39-40-41, so let your thoughts lead you in the right direction!

In Tamil language, there is an old saying "Than Makkalluku Chathru Maatha Pitha"  (meaning Parents in their obsession to seek and get their children married, become their worst "enemies" ) ~ in serving as "Gatekeepers" in seeking and monitoring  alliances for their  children, terminating so many possible alliances, finding that their sons and daughters have aged to 38~39~40 ~ parents,  please open up to so many of the above issues, guide your children, counsel them, navigate them in the right direction.  Otherwise, they may remain unmarried into their late 30s and early 40s.

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